You are loved.

It wasn’t an easy day for me yesterday, after finding out my junior from my high school passed away in an accident yesterday.

Though I don’t know him personally, but I felt the great agony all his friends and family are feeling now. I’ve been there, I knew how it feels like to lose a friend in the blink of an eye – the moment where the whole world breaks down and no one can ever save you out from the mess in your head and heart.

It’s been a while since she’s gone, it’s been 2 years.

The memories are still clear and fresh, those moments with her were the greatest moments I had in university. And how could I ever forget the heartbreaking moment when I heard the it-might-be-her sentence from kahweng. I was still talking to Asyraf about that tragic news few minutes ago before answering that phone call. And all I could do later was to call her phone, continuously hoping that she would pick up and said she’s safe and, alive.

I later found out that one of our classmate had her cellphone while the rescue teams were searching for her, and he saw all my missed calls on her cellphone. I wanted to buy the next train ticket to be there for her, I wish something or someone could teleport me there so I could held her hands, even if it’s cold.

My junior’s buddy is flying back from Canada, just to see him one last time. You can imagine how heartbroken he was to receive the news miles away and the first thing he did was to buy the earliest flight back to home, so he could see his bro for the very last time.

All the comments and statues on Facebook are so heart-tearing, just like when everyone received the news of her.

It wasn’t easy to see her lying there not responding to any of our calls. It was raining and I broke down right in front of her. She was the bravest, smartest and beautiful young girl in our class and everyone who went to the funeral together broke down when we were sending her out.

I could imagine the same thing happen to the junior’s family and friends. It’s not easy but it’ll be better.

I wish his family and friends are coping well and may him rest in peace.

And, I miss her, that much.

In Loving Memories

It’s been a year since you’re gone, and I missed you so.

i was blessed to get to have you in my life.

Dear Shy Gin,

i know, you know that all of us went your house to pay you for the very last visit. and all the way to your brother’s house, the weather was just nice and i was hoping that the journey never ends because i wasn’t prepared to see you, yet. when we reached, the sky started to turn dark and it started to rain heavily. i can feel it, as in you were there with us, you were calling my name when i stood in front of you, you felt touched  that all of your friends went to see you. i couldn’t take it but cried and i was scared to look at you. wen yin told me to be prepared, and kweng was holding my hand asking me to be strong, and do not cry because that will make you feel sad too. i told myself i must look at you, i must see it with my own eyes to believe everything that happened few days back was truth.

and i always will remember all the strength you gave to me

i never thought it will be this hard, to just write an article about you.

too many things to say, but i just can’t arrange all the words to be written out.

and how can i write properly, when i kept on crying while i was typing the article?..

i’m weak, whenever i thought of you.

but i’d promised you to be strong, so darling give me some more time to face the reality, that now i will need to go through what i had imagined since you’re gone.

i will write it out, ’cause once you told me i can really write.

she showed me this picture in class, and said
“so fast it’s going to be one year already, and soon i’m going to celebrate your birthday again…”
hun, i’d missed you a lot today…

missing you just runs too deep

because i know, you won’t be online anymore.
so tell me, who is behind there?
changed your display picture and personal message.
and no reply to all the messages from friends who wanted to know the truth.
i was shock, and happy and also sad, to see you come online, again.
but i know i can’t talk to you, ’cause it’s not you who use that account.
i miss you, i really do.

whoever is behind that, doesn’t know how hurt it is for her friends who had missed her.
doesn’t know how hurt it is, to know that it’s not her who is using that account, anymore.

'cause i'm wrong when you're gone

i’m so lost now, and how i wish you’re here with me.

i need you here to talk to me, tell me how can i solve this problem, tell me your ideas about my thesis, tell me that it’s going to be okay.

and baby i’ll give anything just to have a talk with you, for once again.

i know you’d lived inside my heart since that day.
but darling, i really need you here, for real.