i see me through your eyes

this is what we do
when we got this bored
and were stuck inside a fitting room.

i'm lucky just to linger in your life.

i thought i was going to miss all the fun of cleaning the house before Chinese New Year ’cause i thought i was going to spend my weekdays at Kampar to complete all the assignments. but, i’d gave up due to the sickness i’ve got for pushing myself over the limit. so, i’ve successfully gave my mum a big surprise when i drove back early morning yesterday. it was great to have my mummy to heat up fried rice for me and finally get to hug my dearest Bebe and Booboo. after 3 weeks of away from home,  it was just so great to be back home again. due to the sickness and the long journey, i only started to help up in the afternoon. but i’m still glad that i’ve contribute during this Chinese New Year.

well, there’re too many things to be said but i’m too lazy to write now.

so..

Happy Chinese New Year!
May everyone have a bless year and enjoy the holidays!

Cheers~

(^.^)V

beauty queen of only eighteen

Happy Birthday darling!

it’s her day, her 18th birthday!

it was just like yesterday, where she was still that little girl, who wore that cute little primary school uniform and she always smile at me and waved to me whenever she saw me in school compound. she was that little and i thought i will always be that big sister who will protect her over bullies and prevent her from getting hurt. she was that young cute girl, always tied up her hair and walked with her girlfriends in high school, run to me whenever she saw me and proud to tell others i’m her big sister, and i was glad i know every one of her friends.

years passed, and of course i’d watched her grow up, from that little girl to now she’s a grown up girl who is now officially 18! i mean, it’s really hard for me to believe that my cute little sister is now 18, she doesn’t need me as more as she needed when she was smaller, younger. she can now be on her own, to decide over things, to think herself, to plan her own future. i’ll admit, i was being over protective, kept her away from the reality that i was afraid that might hurt her ’cause she was so innocent. but then i know i can’t  keep her safe for forever, she has to know this world, how cruel this world can be. and of course, she did learnt how things can be on her own. but now, she’s already 18, i had to let her fly and i know i can’t protect her in every ways. now, i’m going to stand by her, she’ll have all the support she needed, but i will let her try new things, learn new stuffs, and i’ll be there to watch  her, at least i will get to hold her before she falls, i can tell her the consequences for what she does, and i will be there when she needs someone to talk.

she was that shy little girl, but now look at her, she has all the confident and she looks so pretty! i’m so proud of her, everything she did, she never let the family down and always be responsible for what she did. the truth is now she’s a big girl, but deep inside my heart forever she will be my little sister. i wish, everything goes well on her, she’ll meet someone who knows how to appreciate her, she will be success  in her future, and she will always have that sweet smile on her even if she meets hard time.

my dearest sister, i’m really proud to be your big sister, and forgive me if i were to do anything wrong to you. it’s your birthday, and i know i still owe you a present but you know you can claim it from me when you’d decide what to get for your 18th birthday.

Happy birthday my dear, have a blast ones!

May all your dreams come true and the family always got your back!

i love you.

i'm just a little girl lost in the moment

you know, sometimes it’s not that you don’t like to be around people, it’s just that it’ll be better if you stay alone, at anywhere, just in silence, because you need to be alone, for a while.

so everyone is here. and i’m not saying that i’m not happy, it’s just that i don’t know why, all of the sudden, i need to be alone. but of course, i did enjoyed myself, cooking for them is fun. basically, i woke up in the morning and went out to buy them breakfast. after breakfast, it was my shopping time and i don’t know how long i spent inside the market to come out with the menu. went back home and i started to prepare lunch. lunch was good, and my aunty even asked me the recipe for it. =D so i was telling the truth when i said i did enjoyed myself. i was supposed to prepare for dinner now, but since other relatives wanted to have vegetarian food for dinner, so i’m saving those menu for tomorrow’s lunch. hopefully i won’t disappoint them because everyone got so excited about me cooking them lunch for tomorrow. hehehe.

i enjoy cooking, and i can tell that i’m a control freak inside the kitchen, no one can ever mess up my kitchen. i remember there was once when i was back in kampar, and a few people gathered up at my house and wanted to cook fried rice for everyone. because of me, lawrence and puimun all have our own recipe to cook fried rice, and we ended up quarreling over it. and i think that time, we ended up cooking it separately in our own way. lolz. so yea, i enjoy cooking, cooking is fun and it always make you feel better when you’re not in a good mood that day. and it feel even better when others like your cooking. =)

so, i’m not emo or unhappy or whatever. it’s just that maybe, suddenly it’s so crowded here, and i’d lose my own small space. plus i’m dealing with my own emotions inside. that’s why i’m kind of trapped somewhere there, lost. and, i surely need a hug to feel better, since i’m not cooking tonight. XD

i’d been reading “The Time Traveler’s Wife”, and i haven finish reading it, ’cause it’s so thick! but i’m starting to wonder, how does it feel, if i were to know my future now? how things will be like, if i were to know who will i ended up to be with since i’m young? how does it feels like to know that there’s this man who i will marry him in future, then i won’t need to fall for anyone else, but just that one guy who i’d know since i was a kid? in that way, i will only fall in love for one time in my entire life, and all i know is this guy love me the same way as i do. how does it feels like, to know that i’m this guy future even though there were some other girls in his past, but it all doesn’t matter? well, i know, it’s just a story book. but i just can’t stop wondering, how will things be like, if all that happen in reality. but nah, i’m too old to believe that fairytales exist in reality. and i will be more than grateful even just to know that i will not be a nun in the future. lolz.

tonight, i’m going to sleep on sofa. i hope it’ll be, erm fun.

updated at 9.50pm

don’t ask me why i wrote on her wall. i know it meaningless ’cause she won’t be replying me or anything. but i miss her so much, i just want to feel the connection between us, again. i wish she is here with me, and i could just call her and ask her about thesis, proposal and life. i couldn’t imagine the life i’ll go through without her next year. she won’t be around, and weikang is moving to Howard, karen and the others will be away for internship. now, can you tell me, how should i hide all the loneliness that i will be facing? i don’t know if i can make it through, even though i know i will make it through, with whatever ways.

i just wish that everything goes back to that time, and i can change everything.

everything is opposite

so, everyone came to my house today, and they’d just left.

the house was full with laughter just now. we went out to have vegetarian food for dinner and came back to cut Chocolate Banana cake because it’s my aunty’s birthday. everyone was so full yet they were kind enough to drink the green bean soup that i cooked after that. lolz. i miss them, especially those who came back from overseas. and it’s really nice to have them here with us, can’t wait for them to come visit us again in few days time. =)

was suppose to meet up with my darlings last night and watch 2012 together. but ended up everyone is having test on the nest day or sunday, so we canceled the plan. but, i was lucky to receive phone call from jazril. jazril wanted to watch Twilight New Moon but he was mistaken about the date it finally show in cinema, and then jinyoung suggested horror movie but because of me don’t want to waste my money, so we just went out for dinner. lolz. the guys wanted to go ampang for some food, but due to the heavy jam in kesas highway, we ended up in some mamak at shah alam. it’s really been a long time since i last met both of them, especially jinyoung, i only get to see him once or twice in a year time. actually, jazril also la. lolz. so it was really fun talking to them, but my malay, really all give back to my bahasa teacher already. XD and i found it so weird to talk to jinyoung in english. hahahaha.

when we were eating, i suddenly came out with a question and asked jazz whether he prefer chinese or malay as his patner. so he answered chinese and it led to the question why and bla bla bla. and then i asked him this, “what if the girl’s family doesn’t allow you both to get married le?“. do you know what was his answer? “there is something called kahwin lari.” =____=”" i was just so speechless. lolz. but that’s the jazz i know.

they mentioned something about gathering last night too. and i think we shall really have a gathering when everyone is free. seriously miss those high school time where we get to hang out with each other everyday and not to worry about assignments and others. lolz.

oh yea, i won’t be having my cellphone with me for 4 days. so maybe now i can experience the life without cellphone which i doubt it..  XD

i know i shouldn’t think about you anymore.

this awkward silence makes me crazy

i’m very proud of myself today, because i drove to pick up my sister from college, alone. lolz. okay, you might find this is nothing to be proud about but for me, it’s like a big achievement because i now dare to drive to sunway area alone, of course with my mum’s car. hahahaha. i always have this phobia, driving phobia due to the incident happened when i was in standard 5, and i was forced by my mum to take driving lessons and test. although i’d been driving for almost 2 years now, i still find myself scared to drive out from my “comfort zone”. lolz. so, this is like a very big achievement for me. =)

of course, without my mum sitting beside me when i’m driving, definitely save me from a lot of heart attack due to my mum screaming whenever she notice me driving too fast or other car is too close to mine which she will eventually blame me. =p but today, i’m really glad that she didn’t follow me because i met a lot of stupid drivers today and i can’t help myself but cursed. lolz. there was one stupid white viva, if he really were to bang my car, he really padan muka cause his car is still new according to his car’s number plate. ish. =.=#

when we were on our way back, my sister told me, “jie, you drive also very garang la, i wish i’m like you“. hahahaha. yea yea, i admit that. i also realized that i actually curse a lot when i’m driving, then i told my sister that i should let my boyfriend drive so that i won’t ruin my imagine in front of him. and out of my surprise, my sister said “no, you should find someone who thinks that you’re cute and attractive even when you are doing all those cursing when you are driving!” omg i just love my sister so much and she’s just so cute! =D and i really think that what she said it’s right, the one who really loves you, loves you for who you are, not who you being/acting/pretending in front of him. take kelvin as example, we will definitely curse together and we will also laugh our head of for being so rude to people. lolz. argh, i just miss him so much now…

my sister and i was so exciting about us having spaghetti for tonight’s dinner! my family except my mum, are all crazy over spaghetti. and i have different experiences cooking spaghetti with different people: with kelvin and friends practiced at playground for some random cooking competition, with the-boyfriend-that-time cooked in my house’s kitchen and that was really a good memory, few more times with kelvin and friends at my house, and the most recent one’s is with him at his hostel. ohh, i remember that time when we were practicing for the cooking competition, the-boyfriend-that-time teased me about me finishing all the spaghetti before we serve it and from that time onwards the other friends used the same thing to make fun of me. hahahaha. i admit that i really love to eat spaghetti/pasta, but i don’t do that okay.. lolz. =p

p.s. i’m still waiting, you know…

updated at 10.32pm

hahahahaha.
this is how we get along with each other.
heart you guys.