I have this big fear in my heart.
I’ve made that decision.
Though I already have it inside my mind for quite some times, I never really find the courage or strength to really make myself to come out with the decision.
I guess, it was all the crying and waiting, let me realize that I really don’t need all these in my life.
I’ll be just fine with just myself, I don’t need someone to be with to be alright, to go on with my life.
I’m done guessing and waiting.
But you know what?
It’s not easy for me to make this decision. You know how much I’d gave in for this. It’s never easy for me to just leave ’cause I really did cared for you.
I was being very understanding and considering. I’d tried not to quarrel with you when you didn’t even have time for me, even just a phone call or message. I’d allowed myself to be very independent in this relationship. Yet I think you never really takes it as that was something I did to make things work out, you took it for granted. You expected me to be like this, in order to be with you I have to be like that.
But did you ever realize that I’m just not like that?
I’m independent in solving things in my life, but I still need someone to be there ’cause I’m not forever strong in dealing with stuffs. I need someone there to listen to me, either it’s good or bad. I need a shoulder to hang on to, whenever I felt down or upset. But I just can’t seem to find you whenever I need you to be by my side. It’s like you’re absent whenever things happened in my life. And all I got to do is just swallow all my emotions and just try to be strong, without you. And it always saddens me more, when I couldn’t get to you. Still you never thought that I’m hurt to go through those moments when I can’t get to you, you expect me to just accept whatever reasons you gave after that.
The sadness I’ve collected, i just couldn’t bear the pain anymore.
That’s the reason why I choose to let this go, in order for me to be truly happy again.
And it’s really not that easy for me to let this go.
I have no idea, how to spill this all out to you.
I don’t know how am I going to tell you that, yes I’m leaving you.
I didn’t even know how to face you anymore.
’cause I once thought that I couldn’t afford to lose you, but you’re losing me already, for some times.
You never thought that one day, I’ll really go away. I can’t stay forever when you didn’t even show me that you do care.
So let’s just let this go okay?
I’m done giving you chances to change, you missed out every chances I’d gave.
I gave up, in us.
Just, let me go, will you?
Don’t try to make me stay again…