I talked to him about you.
I told him some stories about us.
And then you know what?
He told me right to my face that, you don’t care at all.
He said no matter how busy he is, he will still at least call his girlfriend. He told me that all I ever wanted from you was only your little attention. But then you couldn’t afford to give me ’cause you simply make your career much more important than everything else, including me. That’s the reason why you didn’t even bother to call. That’s the reason why things got so worst when we both stepped into the working world.
Career is so important to you, and it made the “You-care” shown as you letting me go at the end of our stories. Do you remember that time when you were so sleepy yet I asked you how much you actually cared for me? Do you know how much I was struggling that time to convince myself to believe that you still care for us? And you told me yes you care for me and I’m very important to you. Then can you, explain why I felt so worthless when I realized after months that you actually knew I was going to say that, yet did nothing to try to make me stay?
You’d put your words very nicely, making me feel bad and weak, yet I still found this beautiful lie in it. If I ever meant that much to you, I don’t understand why did you just let me go that way. If I ever meant that much to you, why didn’t you ever try to make me understand that you want me to by your side, that you’re willing to change bit for us to remain the same. And all the what-ifs don’t matters anymore, because all the questions only says that you don’t care as much as you’d told me.
He told me that, you let me go anyway, without trying to make me stay. And all your words mean nothing because you never ever try to work this out.
And do you know how much it hurts me to find myself in the middle of the mess you’d left me in even after things were over months ago? Do you ever realize how much it hurts me to remember you telling me to forget all the love you’d gave and finally realize that you never actually showed me much of it? Do you know how much it hurts me to come to realize that after everything I’d did for you, that you never actually did a big one for me, even by just showing a little bit more of your “Love”?
Do you know how worthless I felt, to realize that I actually don’t even worth you to fight for?
I understand that I can never be the one you want me to be, though you must thought that I can be the perfect partner you want to find this life. I’m sorry that I came this far to realize that it will never works out when I know I’ll be throwing myself back into the I’m-not-happy-today-cause-you-haven-call-and-will-you-call-later-or-tomorrow mood if you ever ask me back.
But what hurts the most is, coming to realize I don’t even deserve a “Can you stay?”.
Though I don’t need it. I will never want it again.
But it hurts like hell to feel worthless to a person who I once loved with all my heart.
And if you say I should forget all the love you’d once gave, if you say what we had before were all lies, if you say that there’re only two reasons which is don’t want to be together or wants to be with someone else, just think whatever you want to think.
I don’t care because it tear me apart to even think that you actually thought everything was a lie or whatever.
I care no more because I don’t want to involve in this anymore.
The one who once loved you so much has died when you didn’t stop her from walking away. The one who once willing to gave up the whole world for you has complete gone when she realized how much you actually care.
Do you know how much it sucks to feel worthless?
I’m done enough with that, you can’t tear me down anymore.
Thank you for letting me go, and gave me a chance to finally be with someone who actually do care for me a lot.