They’ll be laying flowers on my life.

I just got back from dinner, and you’re still sleeping in bed.

I wish you’re having a good sleep, then you can sleep all your sickness through and can be the healthy you again tomorrow.

Talking about falling sick, people grows old too, right?

These are the things that we can’t control, ’cause all we can do is just eat well and take good care of ourselves. And nothing else.

I just overheard a mother telling a kid that “One day you’ll grow old too” when I was held on por’s arm and walked passed them.

I guess, the kid was telling his mother how old por is, or maybe he was wondering why that old lady is that old. I don’t know, I have no idea what the kid has said.

And hun, how am I suppose to tell my kid to know, what do people means when they says someone is “old”.

How am I suppose to make them understand what it’s all mean, when I myself fear to grow old and don’t know what it really means when people starting to say “You’re growing old” or “You’re an old lady”, or when I come to realize surrounding my grandchildren and tell myself that “I’m an old women”.

I’ve always afraid to grow old, because I’m afraid of my future with those uncertainty in life, I’m fear of what going to happen when my body grow old, not functioning right and starting fall sick.

Before that, I’ll have my kid to question me about growing old when they meet their grandparents and other old folks outside.

And now, by thinking of it I just can’t get the right answer to tell my kid in future.

It hurts to realize people around me grow old. Por is getting weaker days by days. Parents are growing old with white hair and wrinkles. I grow old days by days, by realizing my responsibilities and stress from work. It hurts to learn the fact that one day people will all leave, when I’ve actually gone through a few loss of people that I heart.

What if, the kid question about death?

I really don’t know hun. I don’t know how am I suppose to answer all these question.

‘Cause deep down I know that I’m afraid of all those things in life. I’m afraid of death and old.

Maybe I’m just thinking too much here.

But is just got me thinking about it, and about my fear.

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