Sometimes I really thinks that our brain is so amazing in remembering things.
Especially those which you’ve thought you don’t remember at all, yet one song, one word, one sentence, a shadow, a glance, a stranger will lead those memories right back to you.
I’ve never really mention this to you, not because it matters or I don’t want you to know. It’s just that I don’t think it’s important but I will tell you now since it’s related with what I’m going to say.
The one you recently put on your list, reminds me of him sometimes. It’s just the way he speaks, the words he used, the way he thinks sometimes sound a lot like him.
And I was sitting by the dining table having my dinner when mum mention about how Bebe knows that dad is back even when dad’s car is just right across the main road. I laughed and said there’s something that he always do – put down the car window when we were across the road to let Bebe smells and knows we’re back. Everyone else didn’t have any big reaction but dad stopped for a little while and asked me why did I thought/talked about him all of the sudden.
I don’t know, it makes me felt like I wasn’t suppose to think about it but that was what went across my mind and I just thought it was nothing to say it out.
I’ve always take it as whenever I can talk about it, I’m over it.
But it just doesn’t feel like that just now. It felt it was a mistake to say it.
Maybe dad was being protective, I can understand. He is always the daddy and I’m always the little daughter he first held in his hands when I first came to this world. I’ve seen him cried over me getting hurt in relationship. I know how much he cares for me in every aspect and he will never wants to see me go through another break-up-and-cry-all-night process. I understands that he wants me to be happy and leave whatever which will sadden me behind. I thank him for that, and God know how much I love dad.
But then.. I just need to talk about it, and it actually feels okay to talk about it.
As for the one you recently put on the list, he’s a little bit like him in a way. He tends to remind me of him but then I know that it’s nothing. Because they are different and this new person only makes me realize that to communicate with people like that are difficult. And how naive was I to think that all of it will works? When reality told me it couldn’t and where am I standing and being with now is so much better?
I know how much it’ll nag you whenever I mention about him. But trust me that it’s really nothing, especially the new guy. And yea I guess by telling you this you’ll be putting that guy on top of the list. Just believe me that he reminds me of him only happened a few times. And it doesn’t nag me inside or hurts anymore, but to think how funny is it to meet someone who is a little like him when I’m done with him.
Okay, I really don’t know whether I should let you know about all these. But then we sort of said like no lies and all right? So please don’t think too much of it, my point was just I need to talk about it, to not feel odd or deny that he didn’t exist before.
Talk to me if there’re things going on your mind when you’re reading this.
And I hope you didn’t see this in the middle of the night.