I had bad dreams last night. To be more specific, I had 3 nightmares last night.
Don’t ask me why I don’t remember all dreams’ details yet I can tell I had 3 nightmares. But I remember, in those dreams I was with 3 different persons, whom I had relationship with them before. Gawd, now you can understands why was it a nightmare after all.
I don’t remember the details, but I know it all have something to do with my past experience. All the heartaches and crying, all the not-answering-calls moments, all the heartbreaking moments where I’ve swore so many times that I will not want to experience it again. I know it all have something to do with THESE.
And boyfriend once told me, my biggest fear after all is to lost the one whom I love deeply.
I’ll have to admit, he is right.
I’ve said before and I’ll still tell this to people – my insecurity kills me. I know it truthfully that I can have so much trust in people yet when there’s lie or doubt, it’ll break down the trust in a second. And I think I’ll have to say it’s not easy to get together with me because I’m sometimes oversensitive over things, and that’s the time when all my insecurity creeps in to destroy whatever I hold strongly in my heart. The boyfriend have to be extra careful with me and my emotions, especially my bad mood swing. See, it’s not really that easy to get along with me isn’t it?
I know it’s not good to be oversensitive when sometimes things will be so much easier to be insensitive. But this is what make me – me. I’m so sensitive over things where I can get to know people easily, yet it’ll kills my relationship when it goes out of control. Things always turn out to be ugly when my insecurity turns in. And I can’t blame it ’cause it’s not just my mind which is telling me nonsense but the truth that I’ll see later. So my insecurity is some sort like my 6th sense?
Okay, I’m getting out of topic. But no matter how afraid I am deep down in my heart and how hard my overthinking mind is telling me all sort of nonsense, I know that my boyfriend is taking good care of me by labeling me as “Fragile”. He knows exactly the time my crazy mind goes even more crazy by my expression. He knows the right time to ask me if everything is okay. He knows how to talk to me about all my crazy yet nonsense thoughts of mine. He always find out the root cause of everything that’s happening in my mind.
I don’t know whether he’ll find this me is hard to handle with sometimes. I don’t know whether I have annoyed him with my overthinking mind, all the fears I have inside, all the emotional times I have very often recently and my super stubborn insecurity which will never goes away.
But he knows the right time to comfort me.
I’m not perfect with lots of flaw, yet he’s the perfect ones for me because he accept it all with his big big heart.
I don’t know how can I find another one who will for sure treat me like how he did for these 7 months. And I know he’ll be treating me like this as long as I’m with him.
I sure hope I will not annoy him with all my nonsense I’ve mention above.
Because I’ll never get to live like this without you hun.
This is how important you are to me.
Thank you for dealing with this sometimes very annoying girlfriend. <3
Happy Anniversary darling.